Mayonnaise In My Hair

Ridiculous — that idea
about nourishing dry hair
with mayonnaise to help split ends.

Massaged it through my hair —
oily, slippery, lemony mayonnaise.
Let it sit — took forever to wash out.

Slipped, sliding in the bathtub,
sludgy as an oil slick.
Almost fell in the shower.

Legs flew haphazard.
Swoop! Swoop! Swoop!
Screaming — hysterical laughter.

Held onto soap holder,
faucet and handles for stability.
Hot water pelted my body.

Could have sprained an ankle,
busted a knee, hurt
my back, cracked my head.

Never do that again.